My First Blog
Why am I doing this?
I have been asking myself this question over and over. So please pardon my self-indulgence, but this first blog entry is not only for you, my friends, but also for me. I’m digging in to figure out my purpose.
Here we go…
As many of you already know, back in January of 2018 I lost my 18-year-old son to suicide. When it happened I nearly stopped living myself. I wasn’t actively planning to take my own life, but I certainly didn’t mind the idea of simply not waking up in the morning. I stopped eating and lost over thirty pounds. There was relief in that. I couldn’t control what was going on in my life, but I had complete control over what I put in my body. I wanted to disappear, and pound by pound, it was working.
I wasn’t sleeping because my nights were plagued with dreams of my son. These were not visitation dreams where I felt reassured that he was now at peace or in a better place. I dreamed of him at different ages and in different scenarios, but they all had the same theme – I was either trying to reach him or help him in some way, and I couldn’t. I was unable to escape the feeling that I had failed him even as I slept.
I began journaling to start processing my feelings. Then I moved on to sharing my thoughts with friends and family on Facebook. This led to me connecting with other people who had lost loved ones to suicide, and I realized that my thoughts and my writing were helping other people, and folks… lemme tell ya… it was helping me too.
I then put my thoughts together in a book, and self-published it on what would have been my boy’s 21st birthday.
I was slowly starting to heal. I was eating better and sleeping better, and felt like sharing my struggles.
Sharing Trevor’s story wasn’t something I wanted to do… It was something I NEEDED to do.
My sweet friend Richard Martinez, who I performed and taught comedy improv with, contacted me to ask if I would be interested in doing an interview about how I was applying the principles of improv to move forward in my journey with grief. The fundamental principle of improv is “yes, and”. You accept the information given to you and you add to it.
How could I say no?
Sharing my thoughts in the interview felt good. Saying the words out loud seemed so right that I began wondering if I should think about public speaking. I felt like that’s where I was being led; however, I had no idea how to get started.
Then I received a message from my childhood friend, Kim Vann.
Her message was hesitant, “I know this is an odd question, but do you do public speaking? If not, have you considered it?”
Ummm… yeah. Okay Universe… I get the message… I’m in.
Yes, and…
Kim is affiliated with a wonderful organization called Bright Futures. They say “it takes a village to raise a child”, and I know this is true, but sometimes a village needs a little nudge to figure out how to be helpful. This is where Bright Futures comes in. They are there to make connections in order to utilize the available resources necessary to help kids and strengthen families, which inherently strengthens the communities. It’s a pretty awesome win-win.
I have a couple of speaking gigs scheduled in the near future, if Covid still allows us to gather. One of them is virtual, so it’s happening regardless.
Am I ready?
I don’t know.
Am I committed?
Yes, and…